Introspection

I walk with a group of women every weekday morning. We are in our sixties, and we often talk about the challenges of growing old: staying fit and active and positive, where to go when we are too old to take care of ourselves, our evolving relationships with our children, etc. It’s a terrific group of women, and I always come away energized, both physically and emotionally.

One subject that invariably pops up is the potential to become self-absorbed as we grow older, especially if we are now living alone, and children and grandchildren are non-existent or far-flung. This tendency is especially fraught for those of us who are Fours on the Enneagram, because we so love introspection and plumbing the depths of our psyches. When we are unhealthy, that introspection can lead to moodiness, self-pity, and sadness. Unchecked, depression may creep in and establish itself. The world constricts, the sky hangs dark and low, and the mind seems to run on an endless loop of regret, fear and hopelessness.  Self-absorption now feeds on itself.

Where does a Four go from there? Although it seems counterproductive, self-examination can help a Four grow towards a healthy involvement in the real world. When Fours study of the Enneagram, they learn that they are not alone in their particular orientation to the world. It’s like meeting your tribe for the first time. Oh, joy! Did you feel like you were inherently flawed, too? Did you struggle to identify yourself and your place in the world, just like I did?

For many years I believed I had little to offer. Enneagram study revealed a fuller portrait of a Four beyond its proclivities and pathologies. A healthy Four is creative, insightful, intuitive. She engages with the world in a meaningful manner, bringing understanding and compassion. She can stand with you in your pain, because she has been there; she knows that suffering can save and transform a seeker. She is honest and authentic.

I was not happy to discover that I was a Four; it was too hard! However, I set to work to accept and finally enjoy myself in all its Fourness. Relaxing into myself has, paradoxically, freed me from self-absorption. I live life connected not only to others, but to the divine all around and, yes, within me.